


No One Fucks the Wicked

by totallynotnatalie



Category: GWA - Fandom, Wicked - All Media Types, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: Banter, Cunnilingus, Fingering, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, Multi, Playful Sex, Screenplay/Script Format, Sexual Quips, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, sex instruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28158528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotnatalie/pseuds/totallynotnatalie
Summary: This is basically Glinda teaching Elphaba how to have sex. It takes place at the end of the first act of Wicked when Glinda and Elphaba become friends. So, after 'Popular', but before 'I'm Not That Girl'. Although, I did move up when Glinda changes her name, just for the sake of banter. Obviously, I didn't create the characters, but I tried to get them to sounds as close to natural as possible.
Relationships: Elphaba Thropp/Galinda Upland, FF4A
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	No One Fucks the Wicked

**Author's Note:**

> The is a script of the GWA reddits. Please do not post an audio recording of it anywhere else without contacting me first. 
> 
> This content is for 18+ audiences only. 
> 
> Feel free to modify the script to meet your needs.

[FF4A] No One Fucks the Wicked [Glinda x Elphaba][Based on Wicked][Friends to Lovers][Sex Instruction][Fingering][Kissing][Teasing][First-Time][Cunnilingus][Sexual Quips][Banter][Playful]

Background: Takes place at the end of the first act of Wicked when Glinda and Elphaba become friends. So, after 'Popular', but before 'I'm Not That Girl'. Although, I did move up when Glinda changes her name. 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I'm not profiting off them in any way.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Glinda: Elphie, let's play that game tonight. 

Elphaba: What game?

Glinda (excited): The one where we share secrets. 

Elphaba: Oh, I'm not sure that we need to do that. 

Glinda: What? Of course, we do. We're friends. This is how we bond. We sit in our beds in our PJs and share secrets. How else can we stay BFFs? 

Elphaba: I've already told you my secret. 

Glinda: You mean how it's your fault that your sister is crippled? That's not a secret. That's just depressing. You need to tell me a *real* secret. 

Elphaba: Um...

Glinda: *Please*

Elphaba: Um, in addition to being green, I have a freckle on my left elbow? 

Glinda: Elphie, that's *not* a real secret. That's just...boring. 

Elphaba: Galinda

Glinda: Ah, the GAH is silent now. 

Elphaba (sighing): Glinda, I'm not sure that I know what a real secret is. 

Glinda (confused): A real secret is....well, it's fun and...um, juicy. 

Elphaba: Juicy? 

Glinda: Here, fine. I'll go first again and show you how it's done. 

Elphaba: Maybe we could just play a different... 

Glinda (interrupting): No, listen. I've got a really good one. Ooh, once when I first got here, I got drunk and had sex with this wannabe warlock that I had only just met. 

Elphaba: Um..

Glinda: And let me tell you, he talked a big game, but his dick was..

Elphaba: I-i really don't need to know that part. 

Glinda: Oh, alright. Anyway, don't you feel more bonded now? Like we're really BFFs? 

Elphaba: Um, I guess. 

Glinda: See? Now, you tell me a secret.

Elphaba: I tried to. I'm not sure if I have anymore. 

Glinda (whining): Elphie, it's not fair. I told you a secret. A *real* secret. You *have* to tell me one too. Otherwise, it means that I like you more than you like me. And-and I would hate for that to be true. 

Glinda: *Over-the-top-fake-crying* 

Elphaba: Alright. I'll tell you something. Just be quiet, please. 

Glinda (immediately perking up): You will? Oh, goody. 

Elphaba: Um, I've never had sex? 

Glinda (shocked): What really?

Elphaba: No

Glinda: Never ever? 

Elphaba: No

Glinda: Not even once? 

Elphaba (annoyed): No

Glinda: Please tell me that you've at least masturbated? 

Elphaba: No, why would I do that? 

Glinda: Oh, Elphie. Orgasms are only the most amazing thing ever. Don't you want to have one? 

Elphaba: I honestly don't see why I would. 

Glinda: Oh silly, because they make you happy, and it's good for your skin. Oh, um...

Elphaba: Yeah, for me, those aren't reasons. 

Glinda: Elphie, everybody deserves to be happy, even you. (teasing) Besides, if you get good at orgasming, then you'll become popular. And don't you want to be popular? 

Elphaba: I...how will orgasming make me popular?

Glinda: Well, orgasming is part of sex, and being good at sex makes you popular. 

Elphaba: I've never had sex. So, even if I could orgasm, how could I possibly be good at it? 

Glinda: Well, you just have to practice, silly. Nobody becomes Don Juan overnight. 

Elphaba: Practice with who? No one's exactly buying me flowers at the moment. Or ever. 

Glinda (excited): Wait, Elphie, you've just given me the most amazing idea. 

Elphaba: Um, what's that? 

Glinda: Elphie, *we* could practice. 

Elphaba: Practice sex...with you?

Glinda: Yes, *and* orgasming. 

Elphaba: Are you sure that this is a good idea? 

Glinda: Of course, BFFs do it all the time. It's almost as important as sharing secrets. 

Elphaba: So we can bond? 

Glinda: And perform better for boys...or girls. And as your BFF, I promise to give you my honest assessment of how you are in bed. 

Elphaba (sarcastic): Oh, I can hardly wait. 

Glinda (not picking up on the sarcasm): Me either. Ooh, how shall we start? 

Elphaba: I don't know. You're the expert. 

Glinda: Mhmm, well, do you like boys or girls? 

Elphaba: Um, both, I guess. 

Glinda: Then, let's start with you pleasuring me. That's the only important part for some boys.

Elphaba: Um, okay. How do I do that? 

Glinda: Oh, it all starts with foreplay, silly. A little kiss here and a little rub there, and before you know it, my clit will be ready for you. 

Elphaba: So, I should kiss you? 

Glinda: To start, yes. 

Elphaba: Alright, then. 

*kiss*

Elphaba: Did I do it right? 

Glinda (teasing): Mhmm, I don't know. Better try it, again. Just to be safe. 

Elphaba: Oh, okay. 

*kiss*

Glinda: Mhmm, and perhaps one more time. After all, quality control is important. 

Elphaba: Glinda. 

Glinda: Just kiss me, Elphie. 

*kiss*

Elphaba: Wait, does that mean that you like it? 

Glinda: Well, you're not as good as me. But I wouldn't have guessed that it was your first kiss. 

*kiss*

Elphaba: Wait, so, we just keep kissing? 

Glinda: What? Aren't you enjoying it?

Elphaba: I-i am. But I don't know what happens next.

Glinda: Well, whatever you want to happen, silly. 

Elphaba: I...

Glinda (teasing): Just tell me what you want to do to me...

Elphaba: I-i want to kiss you, but in other places?

Glinda: Oh, where?

Elphaba: Um..

Glinda: Well, if you can't talk, then show me.

*kiss*

Glinda: Mhmm. See? My neck is one of my most favorite spots. Maybe you do know what you're doing. 

Elphaba: Oh, where are the others?

Glinda: Well, you'll have to find them. That's how the game works. 

Elphaba: Ears?

*kiss*

Glinda: Mhmmm, good job. 

*kiss*

Elphaba: But where else? 

Glinda: Hee-hee. I'm not really being fair. Some of the best spots are still hidden. 

Elphaba: Under your dress?

Glinda: Oooh, now your catching on. 

Elphaba: So, we should take it off then?

Glinda: Up, no, no. I *always* go first Elphie. It's your turn. It's only fair. 

Elphaba: Wait, you want to see me naked? 

Glinda: Yeah, that's what I just said, silly. 

Elphaba: But I'm green....wherever. 

Glinda: So? 

Elphaba: I don't think that you'll like it. 

Glinda: Elphie, that's not how it works at all. 

Elphaba: What?

Glinda: If you like the person, then you like all their little quirks and imperfections. Haven't you ever had someone...

Elphaba: You already know the answer.

Glinda: Anyway, we're BFFs so I already find you endearing. Green skin and all. Besides, you'll never get good at sex if you're too afraid to take your clothes off. 

Elphaba: Alright, fine. But I don't want your sympathy. 

Glinda: I'm never sympathetic, dear. Only honest. 

Elphaba: Just close your eyes. 

Glinda: Fine, but hurry up. (excited) I wanna see you. 

(pause)

Elphaba: Okay, you can open them. 

Glinda: Oh, Elphie.

Elphaba: You promised not to..

Glinda: No, Elphie. It's just...you're beautiful. 

Elphaba: What? 

Glinda: You're beautiful. Your body. Your skin. Your figure. It's just enchanting. 

Elphaba: Really? 

Glinda: Well, you're not as hot as me. But you have your own unique kind of beauty. 

Elphaba: Is that good? 

Glinda: Well, I think that a lot of people would like it if you would just let them get to know you.

Elphaba: Right now, I only care about you liking it. 

Glinda: Oh, of course, I do. I already told you that I would. 

*kiss*

Elphaba: Now, what happens? 

Glinda: I get undressed and you compliment me on my hot body. 

Elphaba: Oh, okay. Do I need to close my eyes? 

Glinda: Nope, just unzip the back of my dress. 

(pause)

Elphaba: Okay, I think that I've got it. 

Glinda: Well, what you think? Do you want me to twirl?

Elphaba: Um, sure. 

Glinda: Ta-da. 

Elphaba: Now, I compliment you? 

Glinda: Yes. 

Elphaba: Um, you have your own unique kind of beauty...

Glinda: Elphie! 

Elphaba: I'm trying. Um, you're hot? Amazingly hot? Unspeakable hot? 

Glinda: And? 

Elphaba: It makes me want to do things to you?

Glinda: Now we're getting somewhere. 

*kiss*

Glinda: And now you get to touch me wherever you want.

Elphaba: Um, alright. It is okay for me to start with your breasts? 

Glinda: Of course, I love to be teased there. 

Elphaba: Teased?

Glinda: Tittlatled, ravished, adored. Whatever you like. 

Elphaba: Um...

Glinda: Just start kissing my chest. 

Elphaba: Ok, I can do that. 

*kissing*

Glinda: Mhmm. See, Elphie? My nipples are getting hard. That means that I'm excited. 

Elphaba: Ooh, it does? 

Glinda (annoyed): It also means that you should keep going. 

Elphaba: Oh, right. 

*kissing*

Glinda: That's it, Elphie. 

*kissing*

Elphaba: Okay, did I do it right? 

Glinda: Well, reach down and see, silly. 

Elphaba: What? 

Glinda: Reach down and see if you've made me wet. 

Elphaba: And you're okay with that? 

Glinda: I already said that I was, Elphie. 

Elphaba: Okay, just let me know if I hurt you. 

Glinda: Okay, but you won't. 

(pause)

Elphaba: You feel so...excited. I really did that? 

Glinda: Of course, you did. All thanks to your delicious mouth and *my* excellent training.

Elphaba: But now I don't want to move my hand away. 

Glinda: Well, you shouldn't. After all, you're supposed to be learning how to please me and this is the best way to do it. 

Elphaba: By-by touching you? 

Glinda: Yes, can't you see how excited it's making me? 

Elphaba: That's good, right? 

Glinda: Elphie, keep rubbing. 

Elphaba: Alright, like this?

Glinda: Yes, but faster. 

Elphaba: I won't be too rough? 

Glinda: Not with me, no. 

Elphaba: Oh? Would you like more? 

Glinda: Oh, yes. Yes, Elphie. Please. 

Elphaba: What should I do? 

Glinda: Put your finger inside me. Put your finger inside me. 

Elphaba: This is was BFFs do? 

Glinda: Yes, Elphie. Please, I want to feel you. 

Elphaba: Okay, good...because I want to feel you too. 

Glinda: Oh, that's it Elphie. Enter nice and slow. 

Elphaba: Like this? 

Glinda: Mhmm. Now, rub your finger up and down. 

Elphaba: Okay, I'll try. 

Glinda: Yeah, just like that. 

Elphaba: Does it feel good? 

Glinda: MHmm, yes. 

(pause)

Glinda: Wait, Elphie. Right there, keep going right there. 

Elphaba: What? 

Glinda: That's the spot. That's the spot 

Elphaba: There's a spot? 

Glinda: Yes. Yes. Yes. Keep stroking it. 

Elphaba: Okay if it makes you happy. 

Glinda: It does. Keeping going. Keeping going. 

Elphaba: But what if you get too excited? 

Glinda: Elphie, that's the point. Oh, keep going. 

Elphaba: Alright, I do want you to feel good. 

Glinda: Yes. Oh, yes, please. 

Elphaba: Are-are you close? 

Glinda: Oh, yes. yes. yes. 

Elphaba: I should keep moving? 

Glinda: Yes. Yes. 

Elphaba: Okay, okay. 

Glinda: *gasping*

Elphaba (softly): Please cum. I really want to see it.

Glinda: I-you-

Elphaba: Glinda? 

Glinda: *orgasming*

Elphaba: Oh, you look so happy. I can feel you squeezing around my finger. 

Glinda (panting): Oh, Elphie. That was fantastic. See? You did amazing. 

Elphaba: I did? 

Glinda: Yes, yes. You were wonderful. 

Elphaba: Really? 

Glinda: Of course. You *know* that I'm honest. 

Elphaba: And-and do orgasms really feel that...good? 

Glinda: Obviously, silly. But why don't you find out for yourself? 

Elphaba: Um...

Glinda: Come on, I know that you need it. And I think that you might even *want* it.

Elphaba: Well...

Glinda: See? You know I'm right. 

Elphaba: I guess if you say so. 

Glinda: Oh, yay! Elphie, I can't wait to help you discover yourself. 

Elphaba: You are sure that you still want to-

Glinda: Shh. Lay down on the bed. I want to find all your spots. 

Elphaba: All of them? 

Glinda: Every single one. Let's see, I wonder if you've got a sensitive neck like me. 

Elphaba: I don't really-

*kissing*

Elphaba: Oh, oh. 

Glinda: Oh yay, you do. That means I can tease it. 

Elphaba: Um, if you-

*kissing*

Elphaba: Oh, you feel so good. 

Glinda: Yes, but I *must* find where else that feels good. 

*kissing*

Elphaba: Oh, yes. Um, there feels good too. 

*kissing*

Elphaba: Um, blood is rushing places...that's normal, right? 

Glinda: Yes, babe. I bet you're getting wet too. 

Elphaba: Y-yes. 

*kissing*

Elphaba: Oh, it feels so good. 

Glinda: Ooh, I wonder if I can make your nipples hard. 

Elphaba: I-probably? 

*kissing*

Elphaba: Yep, they are hard.

Glinda: Well, that didn't take long at all. 

Elphaba: Is that bad? 

*kiss*

Glinda: Not for your first time. Besides, I like pleasing you. 

Elphaba: Then..you should please me more? 

Glinda: And that's flirting. See, you've come so far. 

Elphaba: Does that mean that you'll do it? 

Glinda: Of course, silly. Let me just think how I might want to..

Elphaba: Oh, no. 

Glinda: Ooh, I know. I'll just taste you. 

Elphaba: Haven't you already tasted me? 

Glinda: Well, not your pussy. And that's the best part. 

Elphaba: It is? 

Glinda: Obviously. 

Elphaba: But-but what if I taste...green?

Glinda: Last time I checked, 'green' wasn't a flavor, dear. 

Elphaba: I know, but what if..

Glinda: I promise that you will taste marvelous to me. Now, lay back and enjoy yourself. 

Elphaba: Ok, I'll try. 

*kissing*

Glinda: Are you ready?

Elphaba: As I'll ever be. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: Do I-do I taste alright? 

Glinda: Elphie, you taste magical. Now, stop being a worrywart and let me service you. 

Elphaba: Okay-

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: Oh, wow. You feel so good. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: Oh, I'm so so..wet.

Glinda: That's the idea, dear. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: Oh, oh. Is it supposed to feel this good? 

Glinda: Yes and I want to make it feel even better. 

Elphaba: Oh, oh. Oh my. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: I never thought anything could be this wonderful..

*wet sounds*

Glinda: Well, just you wait. 

Elphaba: Oh my. Everything feels so warm. 

Glinda: That means that you're close. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: Oh, oh. What do I do? What do I do? 

Glinda: Just give your body what it wants. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: But-but how do I? 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: Oh my, Oh dear, Oh oh oh. 

*wet sounds*

Elphaba: *orgasming*

Glinda: *kiss*

Glinda: And that's an orgasm. 

Elphaba (panting): That was...I have no words. 

Glinda: Yes, I often have that effect on people. 

Elphaba: I-I. Thank you. Thank you for showing me this. 

Glinda: Any time, that's what BFFs are for. 

Elphaba: I've learned so much. Wait, we're BF...Fs. Does-does that mean that we can do this again? 

Glinda (giggling): Like I said silly, any time. 

*kiss*


End file.
